Relationship Advice for Men Look at Evolution to Find a Mate

What is the best relationship advice for men?  What should men know if they want a relationship to work for the long haul?

Probably the single biggest piece of relationship advice for men is to stop listening to what women say they want and start observing what women actually display that they want.

How do they display what they want?  It is as simple as observing what kind of men they choose.

Women say “I want a man who listens to me.”  They choose the man who dominates the conversation.  Women say, “I want a guy with a good sense of humor.”  They date the guy who has money.

Why do women say they want one thing but actually go out with a guy who is just the opposite?  The answer to that question lies in the subconscious motivators for getting together.  And, therein lies my relationship advice for men.

The historical, biological reason for men and women to get together is to propagate the species.  In other words, just because getting pregnant may be the last thing on her conscious mind, when she evaluates a man at the subconscious level, she’s still looking for a good papa for her children.

Is the good dad someone who listens to her?  No, it is someone who will provide for her children.  And, the person who can provide for her children is someone who has the confidence to bring home the bacon.

Women need men who can be good providers.  While a man can produce thousands of sperm on repeated occasions throughout their adult lives, even into their 90’s, women have about 400 chances of producing a baby.  As a result, they are looking for a man who can provide longevity and stability for their babies.

A man who tells a women he is a lawyer and not a paralegal will have a better chance of landing her.  That is because she perceives that a lawyer is a better provider for her future children.

But having a good income is not enough.  A woman needs to perceive that a man is generous with his resources and will provide for her children.  That is why women place such a high value on gifts such as jewelry.

It may also be why the engagement ring must be such a large purchase.  When you ask a woman to marry you, you give her a ring, not just because it is traditional and romantic, but because it is a tangible display that you can provide for her and her children.

Further, even though modern humans make money more from their brains than their brawn, women are still programmed to think of strength equaling the ability to provide.  That’s why, even when there is evidence to the contrary in the form of a tax return, the woman is hardwired to choose the lineman over the computer geek.

So, the biggest piece of relationship advice for men is to figure out what women need from an evolutionary point of view and give it to her.

7 Ways to Build Trust in a Relationship

Do you know these 7 concrete ways to build trust in a relationship? Often, what really makes a relationship work are not the things we think of first. For instance, do you think you always need to spice things up? Wrong! Predictability is more important than variety in a relationship. The following seven methods are guaranteed to grow your connection by improving the level of trust in a relationship.

1)  I mentioned in the opening paragraph, you need to be predictable. This goes against the common notion that you need to “stir things up” to keep the romance alive. Sure, going to a new restaurant or giving a surprise gift can be nice, but most of all, we need things to be consistent and steady in order to make our relationships work. Consider that trust in a relationship is built on being reliable day in and day out.

2)  You need to make sure that your words always match the message. This means that your partner needs to hear the words which match your body language. If you say you are happy but you are frowning, your partner doesn’t hear your words, he or she sees your face and the tone in your voice. Your parter needs to be able to trust what you are saying. When the words match the message, you build trust in a relationship.

3) You need to have a fundamental belief in your partner’s competency. If you don’t you won’t have the trust in a relationship that you need. When lovingly communicated, the truth is never destructive. When you do not believe that your partner is competent at some things (or indeed, anything), you violate the trust in a relationship.

4) Don’t keep secrets. Secrets destroy the trust in a relationship. Be honest and open. Assume everything you know will eventually come out. Secrets require enormous energy on your part. That is energy that could be going into building the relationship.

5) Don’t be afraid to let your partner know what your needs are. Don’ t make him or her guess what you need. Let them know. It is okay to be self-centered as long as you are not selfish. Indeed, if you are reluctant to assert your needs, you may go overboard in the opposite direction and smother your partner.

6) Learn to say no. When your partner voices his or her needs, that is a good thing. But you don’t need to say yes to everything. A partner cannot respect you if you never say no. Refusing to be subjugated to the other person’s will actually builds trust in a relationship.

7) Always pursue growth. When you plant a flower, you begin by digging in the dirt. Digging in the dirt of our relationships can sometimes cause pain. But, through that pain, we prepare the soil for future growth. Don’t be afraid of turmoil, crisis, or questions. These become the fertilizer for growth and change. Embrace what is difficult.

When you decide to work on trust in a relationship, you are bound to encounter a little pain. But, as you work through this pain, you will not only become stronger as an individual, you will also strengthen your coupledom.